Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
- Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

A Charlie Brown Christmas
Schroeder: This is the music I’ve selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how “great” Beethoven was.
Beethoven wasn’t so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn’t so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who’s never had his picture on bubble gum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.

“A Muppet Family Christmas” (1987)
Doc: I don’t care if the turkey said the dog was a turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey’s the turkey, you turkey!

White Christmas (1954)
Phil Davis: I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that’s forty-five minutes, and I’d at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
Phil Davis: How can a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace: Very brave parents.
Phil Davis: In some ways, you’re far superior to my cocker spaniel.
Phil Davis: How much is “wow”?
Bob Wallace: It’s right in between, uh, “ouch” and “boing”.
Phil Davis: Wow!
Phil Davis: We like to take care of our friends.
Betty Haynes: But we’re practically strangers!
Phil Davis: Uh, we like to take care of that too.
Betty Haynes: But I don’t understand. Why are you doing this? I mean, what’s in it for you?
Phil Davis: Forty-five minutes all to myself.

A Christmas Story (1983)
Ralphie as Adult:[chuckling] Ho, ho, but no matter. Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved.

“Miracle on 34th Street” (1947)
[Doris is trying to convince Susan there is no Santa Claus]
Susan Walker: But he spoke Dutch to that girl.
Doris Walker: Susan, I speak French, but that doesn’t make me Joan of Arc.

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
Nora Krank: We skip Christmas!
Spike Frohmeyer: You’re skipping Christmas! Isn’t that against the law?
Spike Frohmeyer: Are you sure this isn’t illegal?
Luther Krank: Are you a cop?
Blair Krank: I’m bringing home Enriqué!
Luther Krank: What’s a reeké?

Yeah, there’s a lot of bad ‘isms’ floatin’ around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it’s the same–don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.
Alfred, Macy janitor