Christmas card funny quotes are ideal way to spice up your Christmas Cards this year. Be uncommon and innovative. Use funny Christmas quotes to make the life of their recipient more interesting and joyous.

Once you find the apt quote put it down inside of the Christmas card. To personalize this card you can adorn it with various ornament items. You can go for cartoons and funny pictures, do not forget to attach trinkets, miniature bells and stars.

Some of funny quotes you can find below:

Get going! Craft kits ready, I hope?
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying
Oscar Wilde

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Katharine Whitehorn

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson

Change your friend’s life this Christmas by devoting Christmas Motivational Quotes to him. Motivation is like food for the yearning soul.

There are not so many people al over the world who does not require motivation. Your motivation could be your mother, parents in general or your mentor and the list seems infinite.

For those who have nobody to motivate them, here we have a plain solution. Christmas Motivational Quotes make wonders for everyone. Christmas is a time when everyone expresses his warm greetings and wishes to family members and friends. This year do not miss such a great opportunity to motivate the one who really needs it. For those who are away from their homes and family, Christmas Motivational Quotes can become a pleasant delight.

To find the apt quote one needs to look through the wide variety of books and magazines for Christmas Motivational Quotes. To ease your task we offer you some of famous motivational quotes:

• I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.
Taylor Caldwell

• Nobody is stronger, nobody is weaker than someone who came back.
There is nothing you can do to such a person because whatever you could do is less than what has already been done to him. We have already paid the price.
- Elie Wiesel

• I’ve always felt it was not up to anyone else to make me give my best.
- Akeem Olajuwon

Express in a little more thought and warm feelings in your greetings to your friends and family members this holiday season.

Include the appropriate well-known quotes about Christmas in your greeting cards this Christmas.
You can use any of the offered beneath:

•    The only blind person at Christmastime is he who has not Christmas in his heart.
Helen Keller

•    There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions.
Bill McKibben

•    I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
Harlan Miller

•    I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Charles Dickens

•    What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.
Agnes M. Pharo

•    Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold,
everything is softer and more beautiful.
Norman Vincent Peale

The Simpsons from Springfield, in USA is one of the most well-known cartoon families in the United States. Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa are one of the adored characters of the cartoon film. Here we give you some of the widely-known Simpson’s Christmas quotes to reflect their thoughts about the Christmas holiday.

Quote 1
Bart: Ah, come on, dad, this could be the miracle that saves The Simpsons christmas! If TV has taught me anything, its that miracles always happens to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to The Smurfs, and it’s gonna happen to us!

Quote 2
Milhouse: Get a load of that quote, unquote Santa
Kid: I can’t beleive those kids are falling for it.
Bart: Hey Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap!
Milhouse: Ah yeah, well I dare you to yank his beard off

Quote 3
Bart: Hey Santa, what’s shakin, man?
Homer: What’s your name Bart…ner, uh, little partner…
Bart: I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?
Homer: I’m jolly old St. Nick!
Bart: Oh yeah, we’ll just see about that!

Quote 4
Marge: Hello?
Patty: Hello Marge, it’s Patty, Selma and I couldnt be more excited about seing our baby sister for Christmas Eve
Marge: Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too.
Homer: ack ack ack
Patty: Somehow I doubt that Homer’s excited

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
- Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

A Charlie Brown Christmas
Schroeder: This is the music I’ve selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how “great” Beethoven was.
Beethoven wasn’t so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn’t so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who’s never had his picture on bubble gum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.

“A Muppet Family Christmas” (1987)
Doc: I don’t care if the turkey said the dog was a turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey’s the turkey, you turkey!

White Christmas (1954)
Phil Davis: I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that’s forty-five minutes, and I’d at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
Phil Davis: How can a guy that ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace: Very brave parents.
Phil Davis: In some ways, you’re far superior to my cocker spaniel.
Phil Davis: How much is “wow”?
Bob Wallace: It’s right in between, uh, “ouch” and “boing”.
Phil Davis: Wow!
Phil Davis: We like to take care of our friends.
Betty Haynes: But we’re practically strangers!
Phil Davis: Uh, we like to take care of that too.
Betty Haynes: But I don’t understand. Why are you doing this? I mean, what’s in it for you?
Phil Davis: Forty-five minutes all to myself.

A Christmas Story (1983)
Ralphie as Adult:[chuckling] Ho, ho, but no matter. Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved.

“Miracle on 34th Street” (1947)
[Doris is trying to convince Susan there is no Santa Claus]
Susan Walker: But he spoke Dutch to that girl.
Doris Walker: Susan, I speak French, but that doesn’t make me Joan of Arc.

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
Nora Krank: We skip Christmas!
Spike Frohmeyer: You’re skipping Christmas! Isn’t that against the law?
Spike Frohmeyer: Are you sure this isn’t illegal?
Luther Krank: Are you a cop?
Blair Krank: I’m bringing home Enriqué!
Luther Krank: What’s a reeké?

Yeah, there’s a lot of bad ‘isms’ floatin’ around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it’s the same–don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.
Alfred, Macy janitor

During this Advent season as we celebrate the new relationship between God and his people, may that be mirrored in our renewed relationships with spouses, children, family and those near and dear to us. May we speak tenderly to each other amidst all the rush of the season and transform the shopping days till Christmas into the true Advent of Christ.
Casely Essamuah

Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream: a cold, clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love.
Lucinda Franks

And she will bear a Son, and you shall
call His name Jesus, for it is He who
will save His people from their sins
Matthew 1:21

Commercialization has obscured the meaning of Christmas. The commercial has become more important than the carol. What man has to sell more important than what God has given.

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Calvin Coolidge

Christmas will always be in the hearts of God’s children everywhere as they extend a helping hand to a friend in need … as they go about reflecting God’s goodness in the little quiet and unheralded expressions of a loving heart … as they share the light of the world with those who live in darkness.
Jane Hillsmen

For little children everywhere; A joyous season still we make; We bring our precious gifts to them, Even for the dear child Jesus’ sake.
Phoebe Cary

The very purpose of Christ’s coming into the world was that he might offer up his life as a sacrifice for the sins of men. He came to die. This is the heart of Christmas.
Rev. Billy Graham

There’s more, much more, to Christmas Than candlelight and cheer; It’s the spirit of sweet friendship That brightens all year. It’s thoughtfulness and kindness, It’s hope reborn again, For peace, for understanding, And for goodwill to men!
Anon

The happiness and love on this one day
Bring thoughts which warm and cheer.
May we keep Christmas in our hearts
Through every day of all the year.
Gertrude B. Holman

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulders; and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Heap on the wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We’ll keep our Christmas merry still.
Sir Walter Scott

I have shown you in every way by laboring like this, that you must support the weak.
And remembering the words of the Lord Jesus, that
He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.
Christian Christmas sayings: The Bible - Acts 20:35

Eternal God, this holy night is radiant with the brilliance of your one true light. May that light illuminate our hearts and shine in our words and deeds. May the hope, the peace, the joy, and the love represented by the birth in Bethlehem this night fill our lives and become part of all that we say and do. May we share the divine life of your son Jesus Christ, even as he humbled himself to share our humanity. Amen.
Religious Christmas quotes by Rev. Richard J. Fairchild

“I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.”
Harlan Miller

“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.”
Katharine Whitehorn

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple

“There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.”
W.J. Cameron

“Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it “white”.”
Bing Crosby

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”
Hamilton Wright Mabi

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
Bernard Manning

“A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.”
Eva K. Logue

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.”

“Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.”
John Cleese, “Mony Python”

The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Xmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers

“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.”
W. C. Fields

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
Johnny Carson

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
Bernard Manning

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
Erma Bombeck

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”
Funny Christmas quote by Victor Borge

“Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.”
P. J. O’Rourke

“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.”
Tom Sims

“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”
Tom Armstrong

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”

Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
Washington Irving

Christmas–that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.
Augusta E. Rundel

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Calvin Coolidge

Warm Winter WishesMay the closeness of friends and the comfort of home, renew your spirits this Christmas

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart… filled it, too, with a melody that would last forever. ~ Bess Streeter Aldrich

May this Christmas
find you surrounded by those you love
and those who love you

Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind. ~ Helen Steiner Rice

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. Burton Hillis

A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
it makes no noise at all,
but softly gives itself away;
while quite unselfish, it grows small.
Eva K. Logue

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Hamilton Wright Mabi

Through a frosty winter night
In a sleigh with reindeer flight
Bringing joy to large and small
Merry Christmas one and all.

Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts.
Lenora Mattingly Weber

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson 

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.  

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson. 

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. 

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. 

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.  

The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.  

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning  

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm 

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller  

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. 

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.Erma Bombeck  

You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!
Hamilton Wright Mabie

Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.
W.J. Cameron

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.
Agnes M. Pharo

The only blind person at Christmastime is he who has not Christmas in his heart.
Helen Keller

The magi, as you know, were wise men - wonderfuly wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.
O. Henry

A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner. “I don’t like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate.”

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. - Mary Ellen

So if a Christian is touched only once a year, the touching is still worth it, and maybe on some given Christmas, some quiet morning, the touch will take.
Harry Reasoner

And so, this Christmas season
may our hearts with gladness glow,
As we read the blessed story
That took place so long ago.
Alpha L. Bun

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.–Burton Hillis

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Hamilton Wright Mabie

A goose never voted for an early Christmas.
Irish Saying

Christmas day is a day of joy and charity. May God make you very rich in both.
Phillips Brooks